It was going on five years since I had talked to my former mentor. One of the pastor's I had been meeting with challenged me to write out a couple narratives of key relationships in my life, one of them being this one. I wrote out how we met, the different experiences I had had while working with him, and how our relationship grew from pastor and intern, to close friend, to father/son.
I wrote about things he had told me, ways he had encouraged me, pushed me, and guided me. I wrote about the wound, why it had hurt, how it made me feel, and the reaction I had afterwards. When I had finished, I sent it to the pastor who had asked me to write it, and then he asked me how I felt about calling him.
That idea wasn't something I was ready to do. First off, who calls someone for the first time in half a decade and says, "Hey, here's how you hurt me..." I can't imagine that conversation would go over so well. For the time being I decided to just sit on narrative I had written, and let God begin to work.
A few months later God was leading me to reach out and begin to seek restoration. I began talking to my pastor again, and he suggested that I begin by sending the narrative I had written to him. This sounded like the best first step, and so I wrote a letter, explaining what had happened with in my life and what had led me to reach out. I explained the narrative I was including and offered genuine forgiveness, then I opened the door to have continued conversation if he was interested. I mailed the letter and waited for a response, after a few weeks I had heard nothing back. I sent an email checking to make sure he had gotten it, and got no response. This lack of a reply added to my frustration, and it made me ask even more questions. How could he not even respond?
I waited a few months, in some ways I kind of forgot about it. I had done pretty much everything I could. I had reached out, explained my perspective, offered forgiveness, and invited dialogue, I had no power over his response.
Early this year, God began to stir my heart again, and I felt that I had to make one more effort. I decided that I would call his office and just make sure he had gotten the letter I sent months earlier. I called on the day that he had typically taken off, wanting to talk to the secretary, and I was transferred to his assistant. She told me that he was out, but that she would check with him when he got back in the office the next week and get back to me. I thanked her, hung up, and waited again.
Tuesday while I was at work my phone range and his name appeared on the screen. I wasn't able to talk, so I let it go to voice mail. He didn't leave me a message, but called me a few more times throughout the day. When I got in my car that night to drive home I was about to call him back when my phone range again.
I answered, we talked. He explained that he hadn't responded because he had only just recently gotten my letter. At the time I had sent it he had suffered a stroke, and so his staff didn't give him anything that might have been upsetting and possibly cause more harm. He apologized for how I had felt, acknowledging the pain, and apologized for the situation I had faced. I told him I forgave him, we exchanged some brief updates on life, and opened possibility of meeting up in the future...
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
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