Identity

1 Peter 5.1-11 has been the main passage of Scripture I have studied this year. For me, it is a verse that focuses on the identity God has given me. Identity is essential because it defines who we are, and reveals what we are here for. For a long time, identity was something I was searching for.

One of my top three favorite movies is Gladiator, and one of the scenes that always hits me is where Maximus tells the emperor his name.

"My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next."

This is a man who knows who he is. He boldly gives his name, and the poser emperor trembles at the site of him. I've wanted a name like that for years. I've wanted to know who I am, being able to confidently state my name. I played around with a few variations following the above model, but none of them carried any weight because none of them really came from experience. There was no trial or testing behind any of it, there was nothing that I overcame, and there was no real initiation.

For years I went through life without any real idea of who I was. Everything I did was about trying to keep up an appearance, hoping that I would be seen as what I wanted to be, but all the time knowing I wasn't that, and hoping that no one would see the insecure little boy behind the front. Things wouldn't work out, and I'd be devastated because there was no foundation behind me.

When everything came crashing down almost three years ago, I began to really seek God for my identity. In that time I've learned a few things, and for the first time in my life I know who I am, and I think I have an idea of why I'm here. If you ask me for my name, I have an answer, and this time it is full of truth.

God has taken trials and adversity and shaped me into a man with an identity and mission. He has spoken to me in significant ways that capture my heart, and showed me who I am meant to be. We've gone to places of wounding and He has brought healing. He's taken ares of insecurity and showed me what I'm made of. He's taken uncertainty and given me confidence.

In my own journey I've identified two central questions in the search for identity:

Who do people say you are?

Who does God say you are?

People talk, people judge, people mold, and as a result we hear things, think things, and come to believe things about ourselves. Some of these are good and reaffirm strengths, but a lot of the time these things serve to make us loose focus and keep us from really living. They focus on what is safe, what others think is best for us. As a result, we act a certain way, come to see ourselves a certain way, and begin to live a certain way.

Before we can embrace who God created us to be, we have to begin by looking at what we've been told, and what we now believe as a result. As part of my journey and search for identity I had to go back to key places and moments in my life, I had to acknowledge things that had been said, people who had hurt me, and bitterness I was holding on to. Through this process God brought healing and freedom, and in the next several posts I'm going to be sharing about these experiences.

I answered the first question, and in doing so, God brought about healing that allowed me to embrace who He created me to be. He wants to do the same for you.


Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11

TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!