"Your heart is free. Have the courage to follow it."
I thought I knew what that meant. I thought it was about not being afraid to enter into a new relationship with someone else. That was the message I took, but looking back at this now, factoring everything that has happened in the past 9 1/2 years, I'm realizing that God was saying so much more.
It wasn't simply about being willing to enter into a new relationship, but about boldly going after my passions. For so long I had played it safe, and for so long after this moment I would continue to play it safe. I ended up in Michigan because it was the only job I could find working in a church, my preference had been to stay in Ohio, preferably at a church I had interned at, but those doors closed. God was saying more than simply move past this girl, He was saying begin to live your life.
It would take years, some more set backs, more pain and frustration, and finally diving into these wounds, but I'm at the point where I'm beginning to follow my freed heart. I'm pursuing things.
I've got a dream and a vision for my future, a specific vision and dream not just some abstract concept, and I'm taking steps towards it. I have a sense of what God has called me to do, and I'm working to prepare myself for that calling. I'm taking risks with my education, and my future career because I'm following my freed heart.
I'm learning to pursue community and relationships. For so long I didn't want to need anybody, I didn't want to feel like I was a burden on anyone, and it left me feeling alone and isolated. I'm learning that I need people, and that it's ok to need others. I'm learning to drop my guard and build relationships in order to live in community.
I've been realizing that it's ok for me to enjoy life. For so long I was focused on responsibility, the things I had to do. I would get frustrated and overwhelmed because I felt like I had no time to enjoy anything, like there was always something productive I had to be doing, and this would cause me to shut down and withdraw. I'd waste time on YouTube or with phone apps, and then have to rush to get everything done that I had to get done, and when I'd finally take time to go hike I'd be unable to enjoy it because I knew there were things I had to get done.
Owning the freedom that God has given me has allowed me to begin living life. This wound and its healing was about so much more than simply a relationship, but about my entire approach to life. Galatians 5.1 states, "It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery." God sets our hears free so that we can life in freedom. Let us stand firm in the freedom He has given us, courageously following the God-given passions of our hearts. Let us own our freedom.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
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