2018 was a rather frustrating year; there were some really good moments, but the last few months of the year were rough. While a large part of that was external circumstances beyond my control, part of it was a lack of direction. For three years I had been focused on identity; it drove everything I had done and studied, and at the end of that time I had a solid grasp, both head and heart, of what that looked like. I was focused in that time, doing well, moving towards a goal but enjoying and taking in every step of the journey. I knew that identity wasn't the ultimate destination, but I didn't rush on to the next thing. For once, I took time to celebrate it, enjoying it, but at the same time I knew the celebration would need to end so the journey could continue.
A large part of my vision quest has been getting focused for the next year of my life. This year I left the woods full of confusion. In the months since that day in July, I thought a lot about what Passion meant. Why hadn't I gotten a clear sense on my quest? Why had everything I had thought about for the past three years not lined up with where my mind had gone. I had no answers.
Towards the end of the Spring of 2018, God gave me the sense that I had a one year time frame, not fully sure what that means, but I feel like June 30, 2019 marks the end of that year. Part of what I had learned about identity involves intentionallity, not being passive and letting life happen, but going after things with purpose. In order to be intentional, I reached out to a couple men I respect and ask them if they would be willing to purposefully invest in my life over the next year, meeting on a regular basis to discuss certain topics, and help me continue to move forward. All of them were willing, and so I began to figure out exactly what I was looking for and what I wanted from them.
I had asked them to give me homework, and I've gotten a couple really good books that have given me great insights. One that really helped was Finishing Strong by Steve Farrar (highly recommend this one). As I read the chapters there was talk about King David, and where he began to shipwreck. Farrar points out that David didn't shipwreck that night with Bathsheba, but years earlier when he violated God's instruction that Israel's king was not to acquire many wives. Farrar points out that David shipwrecked when he took his second wife.
As I read the chapter (side note David has been the figure I've looked at for the Passion stage of my journey) something began to click. Passion isn't about my gifts, abilities, or calling, but instead it's about my relationship with God. The focus for this next stage is not on what I am feeling led to do, but instead on connecting more deeply with the One who gave me my identity. The point of Passion is about a deeper intimacy with God.
I wasn't focused on this that day on my vision quest, I was looking at what I needed to do, taking the focus partly off God and putting it more on to me. That was why nothing made sense that day, and that was why I left confused and frustrated. Identity helps me connect to God, it shapes how I connect to God, but it does not take my focus off of God and put it on action.
That realization brought so much clarification to my mind, at least for this area. As I've started, very slowly, on this next stage of the journey, I've found purpose and direction again. It hasn't been easy, the enemy doesn't want us to connect with God, and if finding identity was difficult, connecting on a deeper level with God is going to be even harder, which is why identity matters.
God gave me an identity, and that identity will lead me to connect with Him more deeply on this next stage as I chase Passion.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
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