How I got here

For the past few years I've been struggling. Since I was 12 I felt that God was leading me into ministry, and at that time (and for almost two decades afterwards) my idea of ministry was church. I entered college and earned a BA in Pastoral Ministries, graduating at the top of my class and with great encouragement from my professors, and pastors I had interned with. Everything was pointing to a positive future in ministry.

Long story short, the church scene has not worked out for me. I've served as a youth pastor, and lead pastor since graduating, but my last church assignment ended almost five years ago. I looked for a while, but nothing that was offered to me was very promising, and so I decided to take a break from the search and focus on my education. I recently finished my Masters of Arts in Religion with a Biblical Studies focus, and this morning registered for my first classes to continue with my Masters of Divinity, also in Biblical Studies. In the past year I've come to realize that serving God is not limited to the four walls of a church, and through the guidance of a counselor I've come to see that my strengths and passions point towards the class room. I am currently focused on pursuing my PhD in Old Testament, and hope to teach at the college level. I feel like I actually have a real goal, and a plan to get there, for the first time in my life.

The road to this point has not been easy. Since leaving college so many things have felt like a constant struggle, and all of the difficulties have led me question certain things about God. I have never lost my salvation, I've always believed in God, but I've chosen to listen to the chaos, the discouragement, and the lies of the enemy, and my relationship with God hasn't been the dynamic fire it was in the sheltered cocoon of college. Since graduating, I've gone through periods of constant Bible reading and prayer, followed by times of nothing that would last for months. It got to the point where I would share my frustrations, and get even more frustrated when people would quote the Bible at me, or point me to Scripture. I know what the Bible says, I do have a Master's in Biblical Studies after all, but I didn't know if I believed the words of the Bible were true for me.

In 2015 a much longed for moment occurred at the first birthday party of the son of one of my best friends. A group of us decided to go camping, and from that trip, the fellowship of men who write Pr. 18.24 (proverbs1824brothers.blogspot.com) was formed. On this past retreat (http://proverbs1824brothers.blogspot.com/2017/06/retreat-2017-by-will.html) we were sitting around the campfire Saturday night, and one of the guys shared thoughts that were very similar to my own about God and the Bible. In that moment I felt validation that what I was thinking was ok, but after sharing this with a pastor who I have been meeting with for nearly two years, he pointed out that these feelings were just an excuse not to look at the real issue.

Over the past week as I've thought about his words, and my own feelings over the past decade, I've come to realize that nothing is going to change if I'm not intentional about it. The words of Scripture, God's promises contained in the pages of the Bible, are not going to be true for me if I don't own them and believe them. Belief is not going to happen if I don't have a proper view and understanding of the Promise Maker, and my view is not going to be correct if I am not focusing on the best source to reveal God to me.

I've wrestled with the idea of starting another blog. I've been writing for over seven years on four different blogs, but I wasn't feeling God's leading in continuing with any of the past blogs I've written. Right now my focus is mostly on our men's group, and seeing the direction that is going, a direction I am really excited about and encouraged by, I realized that I could create a personal blog off of that one. Pr. 18.24 functions as an online small group for our fellowship that is spread between Cleveland, Columbus, and Chicago, and I don't want to dominate that site. Fighting Lions is going to be my personal outlet, allowing me to share the things I feel like God is leading me to share, on this journey of recovery, healing, and ultimately ministry.

Where did the name come from? For over two years now I've been working on an idea that I'm hoping will eventually turn into a book, but more than that, it comes from the personal identity that I believe God wants me to claim. 1 Peter 5.6-11 says:

Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen.

In my life there have been many Bible verses that I have claimed as my life verses, but to this point they all have seemed to be most relevant for a specific season. At this point in life, 1 Peter 5.6-11 has been of great significance to me. The enemy is very real, and he prowls like a lion, searching for prey to devour. But, he is not all powerful, and he is to be resisted by one who is alert and ready, firm in their faith, knowing that the fight is temporary, and that God will deliver them from the attack into victory and eternal glory.

The struggle is very real, I've been living in it for years, and I'm guessing you have too, but I'm tired of giving in to despair and discouragement. I want to stand firm and resist, being strengthened by God, so that He may be glorified in my life.

The biggest struggle I've faced with this is, where to begin? Last week I was reminded that many new believers are pointed to the Gospel of John, and I feel that that is the place for me to begin as well. The way to really own the truths of God is by looking to Christ, the perfect revelation of God to man. God is who Christ reveals Him to be, and the truth of who Jesus is, is the truth of who God is.

That's how I got here, that's where this begins.

Fight the lion

TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!