The last time he and I talked I did something that I had told him I would one day do, call him not seeking advice, but just to see how he was doing. I made that phone call and ended up leaving a voicemail because he didn't answer the phone. When he called me back a few days later we talked, I heard how he was doing, but the conversation felt like it didn't have much energy. We hung up, and that was the last time we spoke for a while.
After that I remember getting a single text message asking how things were going. I was frustrated and hurt at the time, and even though some elements were starting to look really good (I had found out at that point that I was going to be a daddy), I gave a simple response of "About the same", and that was the last interaction we had for years.
I let myself become angry and bitter. I was hurt, I was frustrated, and I was just ticked off. I stopped reaching out to people for advice, and just tried to figure a lot out on my own. I didn't express how I felt to the one person I could have told anything to, and instead began to let myself think very arrogant and mean thoughts. I got to the point where I hoped he would call and offer me a job just so I could turn it down.
I didn't try to reach out to him. I didn't seek his advice about starting grad school. I didn't ask him to be a reference when I applied for another church job. At a point when I probably could have used his guidance the most, I refused to reach out to him because of a combination of hurt, pride, and spite...
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
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