It had been almost a year since my vision quest, and a lot had happened in that time. I had completed my first master's degree, and was getting ready to begin my second. I had changed my life's focus, and was now preparing to enter the world of education as a teacher, and actually doing things to actively prepare for this future. I had come to terms with the reality that my marriage would be ending, but at the same time began to realize that my life did not end with my marriage. Finally, I had really started to focus on identity, and the idea of a true name. These were all good things, and while I was still working on a lot of personal stuff, I felt like I was starting to make some progress.
For years I had been attracted to the idea of doing an annual, personal retreat. I read in one of John Eldredge's books that every year he takes three days by himself, and goes to the mountains. When I was in college we had to do a spiritual retreat as part of a class, 24-hours alone with God. I knew that this practice would be good for me, but I had always looked at it with the mindset of "Someday I'll be able to do that." Fortunately, God had dealt with that issue back in 2016, and I began to feel the need to spend some more time alone in the woods.
This year was going to be different than the previous year. For one, this was no longer going to start as a Survival challenge, but was going to be a vision quest from the beginning. I was intentionally going into the woods to hear from God, and see what He had for me. Part of me was nervous about going, God had spoken so clearly, and in such an amazing way last year, what if He didn't this time? There were so many reasons not to go, and they continued to come until the retreat was over, but I ended up going, in spite of everything, and heard from God again.
I spoke with my pastor friend a few weeks before I went, and I told him I was wanting to do another vision quest. He actually told me that he was going to suggest I do another one as well. I began to make plans, my friend asked if I wanted to go to the same spot as last year, but I wasn't feeling led to go back there, for one I didn't want to hike in and out of that place again, and I still have bad memories of the Oak mites and getting lost in the dark, (that part would have nothing on this year), so I began to look at maps of the area. There were a few spots I considered, but I kept being drawn to this one specific area, and so I made plans to spend my time there.
I had less time this year, only about 20 hours, and I decided that I didn't want to sleep on the ground. I borrowed a camping hammock from a guy at work, took even less equipment than the previous year, and got ready to spend another night alone in the woods.
I mentioned that there were so many reasons not to go, and they didn't stop. I had planned to meet my pastor friend at his house after work and have him drop me off like the previous year, but a few days before he told me that his daughter had a concert that night, but that he would meet me at his house after and drop me off. This meant I would be getting there later than I wanted, and we ended up deciding that he would just meet me at the spot after the concert and pick up my car.
The day of the retreat the weather wasn't looking good. It was windy, and I remember looking out the window as I was getting ready to leave, and the sky just looked ominous. I began to get nervous, almost sick to my stomach, and thought about calling my friend and canceling, but I knew I couldn't do that. I had to go, because God had something to teach me....
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Wednesday, January 31, 2018
Monday, January 29, 2018
Distant Reflections
In all honesty, I haven't looked at the cards form my first vision quest since I initially wrote them out. When I wrote those words from my prayer I was at the beginning of the divorce process. We had had our initial hearing about a month before this retreat, and the reality was beginning to sink in. Part of me was still hopeful that reconciliation could happen, and I continued to fight for restoration in the coming months, but God does not interfere with free will, and my ex-wife chose to continue with the termination of our marriage.
As I've been revisiting this retreat, it has caused me to do a lot of reflecting. I look at the way I used to live, with Someday in mind, and I was miserable. I wasn't fighting for anything, I thought I was, but my life consisted of getting out of bed and moving to the couch until my daughter got up, and once they left I would go to work. I'd come home, sit on the couch until I put my daughter to bed, then I'd sit back on the couch until I went to bed. There was some school work thrown in there, but the majority of my life was that general routine. I hate admitting that, but that's the reality. I had plans for someday, big plans. I had hopes and dreams, and someday they would all come true.
The reality is that someday never gets here. It is always a distant illusion, and the cause of many wasted hours, days, and years.
The lessons learned on this vision quest proved to be the beginning thought process of my own growth and healing. I still hope and dream for the future, but I'm at the point where I do more than that. In the past year and a half, I've begun to actively pursue some things. I've been very intentional about finding my identity, this has been huge, but I've had to go beyond simply learning it, I've had to begin to own it and live it. This has been more of a challenge, but I feel that I have recently begun to really make some decent progress (more on this in the not too distant future, probably).
I've realized that the future is not guaranteed; that the work I'm putting in, the goals I'm aiming at, do not promise to be successful. However, the risk of failure is not a valid excuse, and I have to move forward, embracing the risk, and trusting that God will not forsake me. I will fail at certain things, that's just the reality of life, but I've gotten to the point where I'd rather fail trying than play it safe and let everything fall apart without a fight.
This quote from Teddy Roosevelt keeps coming to my mind:
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
God has been at work in my life, but I finally started to pay attention August 26, 2016. I've been on a second vision quest since then, more on that in the next few posts, and He's been shaping my focus, and in doing that has begun to lead me to something I don't know was really ever on my radar, again more on this soonish.
For now, I simply want to forget about someday, and live intentionally now. I want to prepare for the future by actively engaging now in this moment. I want to own my identity, and enter the arena, and if I fail, I've failed daring greatly. If I fail, I've failed while fighting a lion.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
As I've been revisiting this retreat, it has caused me to do a lot of reflecting. I look at the way I used to live, with Someday in mind, and I was miserable. I wasn't fighting for anything, I thought I was, but my life consisted of getting out of bed and moving to the couch until my daughter got up, and once they left I would go to work. I'd come home, sit on the couch until I put my daughter to bed, then I'd sit back on the couch until I went to bed. There was some school work thrown in there, but the majority of my life was that general routine. I hate admitting that, but that's the reality. I had plans for someday, big plans. I had hopes and dreams, and someday they would all come true.
The reality is that someday never gets here. It is always a distant illusion, and the cause of many wasted hours, days, and years.
The lessons learned on this vision quest proved to be the beginning thought process of my own growth and healing. I still hope and dream for the future, but I'm at the point where I do more than that. In the past year and a half, I've begun to actively pursue some things. I've been very intentional about finding my identity, this has been huge, but I've had to go beyond simply learning it, I've had to begin to own it and live it. This has been more of a challenge, but I feel that I have recently begun to really make some decent progress (more on this in the not too distant future, probably).
I've realized that the future is not guaranteed; that the work I'm putting in, the goals I'm aiming at, do not promise to be successful. However, the risk of failure is not a valid excuse, and I have to move forward, embracing the risk, and trusting that God will not forsake me. I will fail at certain things, that's just the reality of life, but I've gotten to the point where I'd rather fail trying than play it safe and let everything fall apart without a fight.
This quote from Teddy Roosevelt keeps coming to my mind:
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
God has been at work in my life, but I finally started to pay attention August 26, 2016. I've been on a second vision quest since then, more on that in the next few posts, and He's been shaping my focus, and in doing that has begun to lead me to something I don't know was really ever on my radar, again more on this soonish.
For now, I simply want to forget about someday, and live intentionally now. I want to prepare for the future by actively engaging now in this moment. I want to own my identity, and enter the arena, and if I fail, I've failed daring greatly. If I fail, I've failed while fighting a lion.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Friday, January 26, 2018
Initial Reflections
My 24ish hours in the woods gave me a lot to think about. I realized some things about myself that I had never grasped before, and the reality of how I had been living put a lot of things into perspective.
Living for Someday
Waiting for Someday
Entitled to Someday
Surrendering Someday
Those were the titles heading the main groups of 3x5 index cards I had written on in the woods, but there is one final set from this trip that contains my initial reflections of God's revelation to me on this outing, the survival test that turned into a vision quest.
Therefore 8/26/16
I am owed nothing. Feelings of entitlement just push everyone I care about away, and it keeps me from being a blessing.
Life is hard, but God cares. It is okay to rest and take in creation. It is good to unplug and sit by a lake for over an hour. There are moments of rest that God gives.
Waiting for the next thing gives entitlement a foothold. It isn't grateful, and it doesn't rest. It is always moving, and it's exhausting. Nothing is promised, there may not be a next thing, and living with longing never gives peace.
Living for someday is hoarding. It takes but never gives. It piles up and wastes what it has because it is worried about what isn't promised.
Proud and Entitled
Busy and Ungrateful/unsatisfied
Worried and Selfish.
God,
That has been my life, and it has brought me no where good. The way I've lived isn't loving or humble. It doesn't trust or seek you. It isn't full of peace, rest, or favor.
God,
I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to push aside to make more room for me. I don't want my plans, or my ideal to be where my hope and focus are.
I hate what this realization has cost, and how long it has taken. I hate what I have put my wife and girls through. Please forgive me, and help (my wife) to forgive me. Transform me into Your man. A man whose love is faithful and steadfast, who is known for these characteristics. A man who fully trusts in You, and seeks You first on everything.
A man who humbly fears You and obeys You.
A man who willingly accepts Your discipline and correction knowing it is for my good. A man who lives to serve and bless others.
God,
Please don't let my family be ruined. Give me the faith and courage to do what must be done. And give me the humility to accept Your will no matter what.
Be my focus and lead me.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Living for Someday
Waiting for Someday
Entitled to Someday
Surrendering Someday
Those were the titles heading the main groups of 3x5 index cards I had written on in the woods, but there is one final set from this trip that contains my initial reflections of God's revelation to me on this outing, the survival test that turned into a vision quest.
Therefore 8/26/16
I am owed nothing. Feelings of entitlement just push everyone I care about away, and it keeps me from being a blessing.
Life is hard, but God cares. It is okay to rest and take in creation. It is good to unplug and sit by a lake for over an hour. There are moments of rest that God gives.
Waiting for the next thing gives entitlement a foothold. It isn't grateful, and it doesn't rest. It is always moving, and it's exhausting. Nothing is promised, there may not be a next thing, and living with longing never gives peace.
Living for someday is hoarding. It takes but never gives. It piles up and wastes what it has because it is worried about what isn't promised.
Proud and Entitled
Busy and Ungrateful/unsatisfied
Worried and Selfish.
God,
That has been my life, and it has brought me no where good. The way I've lived isn't loving or humble. It doesn't trust or seek you. It isn't full of peace, rest, or favor.
God,
I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to push aside to make more room for me. I don't want my plans, or my ideal to be where my hope and focus are.
I hate what this realization has cost, and how long it has taken. I hate what I have put my wife and girls through. Please forgive me, and help (my wife) to forgive me. Transform me into Your man. A man whose love is faithful and steadfast, who is known for these characteristics. A man who fully trusts in You, and seeks You first on everything.
A man who humbly fears You and obeys You.
A man who willingly accepts Your discipline and correction knowing it is for my good. A man who lives to serve and bless others.
God,
Please don't let my family be ruined. Give me the faith and courage to do what must be done. And give me the humility to accept Your will no matter what.
Be my focus and lead me.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Wednesday, January 24, 2018
Quest Conclusion
Looking back over my index card notes, it's clear to me that I really didn't get the concept of surrendering at that time. In all honesty, I was writing it down because I knew that it was what I was supposed to write down. I could make the argument that I was tired and a bit worn out, but the honest answer was that I was beginning to be stretched beyond my comfort zone, something that would happen a lot in the coming months, and I wasn't sure how to move forward with it at that moment.
I stood up, picked up my pack, I really started to hate that pack during this trip, and began walking again with no clear direction as to where I was going. I still had several hours of daylight left, but I was beat, and my water was beginning to run short. I decided to head back to my shelter and tuck in before it began to get dark. I had no desire to repeat the feelings of the morning, especially if it meant not finding my shelter and spending the night without one, I had no desire to play Survivorman at this point.
I made my way back, down a hill and up the other side, and slowly made it back to where I had set up camp the previous night. Everything was still set up, and no animals had taken up residence in what I had made during the day. I took off my pack, it's amazing how heavy limited equipment can get, and the weight had really taken a tole on my shoulders. I did a final tick check, and finding nothing, climbed in for the night.
I laid their, glancing at my watch, and realized it wouldn't be getting dark for almost two hours. I thought about going for another walk, there was a trail close by that I hadn't hit yet, but I had no desire to put my pack back on, and I wasn't leaving my shelter without it. I began to reflect on my time at the previous spot where I had stopped. The very first thing I wrote down when I got there was:
Finish or cut it short?
Don't take the easy way out Nothing to prove No Shame
The original plan was to spend two nights alone in the woods, but the original plan had also been to test my survival skills, I'm not sure that I ever explained that, basically I was challenged by the friend who dropped me off, and he convinced me that it was something I needed to do, all part of that stop living for someday theme that became so central during my time. When I had first sat down in that familiar spot, I had gotten a sense of closure, almost as if God had said, "That's all you're getting right now", and that may have been why my final note cards proved to be so difficult to write, it was me trying to force something God wasn't ready to give me yet.
At that moment I got my phone out and turned it on. I called my friend and told him I was ready for him to pick me up. I broke camp, and headed in what I thought was the right direction, it's amazing how easy it is to get turned around in the woods. This time I just kept walking in a straight line, knowing I would hit a trail eventually, and once I did, I began a brisk walk to the parking lot.
My friend was waiting when I got there. We drove to his house, I gave him my stack of index cards, and then went to the first grocery store I passed and bought a dozen donuts, I have a really big sweet tooth, and they were cheap and quick. I got home, showered, and somehow mixed up my toothpaste with my anti itch cream (I only rubbed toothpaste on my oak mite bites fortunately) however, it did nothing other than make my oak mite bites smell minty fresh.
Vision quest 2016 had concluded, but I had started on a journey that would begin to shape the rest of my life....
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
I stood up, picked up my pack, I really started to hate that pack during this trip, and began walking again with no clear direction as to where I was going. I still had several hours of daylight left, but I was beat, and my water was beginning to run short. I decided to head back to my shelter and tuck in before it began to get dark. I had no desire to repeat the feelings of the morning, especially if it meant not finding my shelter and spending the night without one, I had no desire to play Survivorman at this point.
I made my way back, down a hill and up the other side, and slowly made it back to where I had set up camp the previous night. Everything was still set up, and no animals had taken up residence in what I had made during the day. I took off my pack, it's amazing how heavy limited equipment can get, and the weight had really taken a tole on my shoulders. I did a final tick check, and finding nothing, climbed in for the night.
I laid their, glancing at my watch, and realized it wouldn't be getting dark for almost two hours. I thought about going for another walk, there was a trail close by that I hadn't hit yet, but I had no desire to put my pack back on, and I wasn't leaving my shelter without it. I began to reflect on my time at the previous spot where I had stopped. The very first thing I wrote down when I got there was:
Finish or cut it short?
Don't take the easy way out Nothing to prove No Shame
The original plan was to spend two nights alone in the woods, but the original plan had also been to test my survival skills, I'm not sure that I ever explained that, basically I was challenged by the friend who dropped me off, and he convinced me that it was something I needed to do, all part of that stop living for someday theme that became so central during my time. When I had first sat down in that familiar spot, I had gotten a sense of closure, almost as if God had said, "That's all you're getting right now", and that may have been why my final note cards proved to be so difficult to write, it was me trying to force something God wasn't ready to give me yet.
At that moment I got my phone out and turned it on. I called my friend and told him I was ready for him to pick me up. I broke camp, and headed in what I thought was the right direction, it's amazing how easy it is to get turned around in the woods. This time I just kept walking in a straight line, knowing I would hit a trail eventually, and once I did, I began a brisk walk to the parking lot.
My friend was waiting when I got there. We drove to his house, I gave him my stack of index cards, and then went to the first grocery store I passed and bought a dozen donuts, I have a really big sweet tooth, and they were cheap and quick. I got home, showered, and somehow mixed up my toothpaste with my anti itch cream (I only rubbed toothpaste on my oak mite bites fortunately) however, it did nothing other than make my oak mite bites smell minty fresh.
Vision quest 2016 had concluded, but I had started on a journey that would begin to shape the rest of my life....
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Monday, January 22, 2018
Surrendering Someday
The reality of what I had just written is a bit difficult to admit, but that is the way I used to think. My entire life I have had responsibility and obligation thrust on me, and as a result, it's hard for me to relax. I always feel like there is something I need to be doing. I always feel like I don't have time for things I enjoy. But in that moment, sitting by the lake, God had me simply sit there, and take in my surroundings. I sat on that bench for an hour and a half, taking in the calm, and just soaking up the moment. Then I got up, started walking, and climbed the hill I didn't want to climb.
Once I was back on the trail I had originally been traveling, I made my way to a familiar spot; a place I've visited a lot over the past several years. It's a spot I've visited when I've had a big decision to make, and it seemed fitting that I visit this spot during this quest. When I got there I began by asking some questions. The day was beginning to drag on, and the original plan was to stay until the following morning. I was contemplating where I should stick to the original plan or cut it short by about 12 hours. I was really starting to feel the hunger at this point. I hadn't eaten in almost 24 hours, which isn't a big deal, but then you factor in that I walked over 15 miles and took nearly 41,000 steps that day, and my energy was draining.
As I contemplated what to do in the coming hours, I also began to reflect on what I had realized from earlier in the day.
My life had been spent living for Someday and wasting the time and opportunities of today. At the same time I was waiting for Someday, and sacrificing the moment. I felt a sense of entitlement to Someday because of the work I was putting in and the things I was sacrificing for the future.
As I sat in this familiar spot I began to write down what I knew I needed to do next:
Surrendering Someday 8/26/16
Proverbs 3.1-12
Don't forsake teaching, let your heart keep my commandments -
length of days
years of life
peace
Bind steadfast love and faithfulness around your neck write them on your heart -
(Your defining characteristics)
Favor and good success with God and man
Trust God, not you
Look to Him and He will guide you.
Stay humble
Stay righteous
Healing and rest
Serve with your your wealth
God will take care of you.
Accept His discipline and correction-
Love for your benefit
...
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Once I was back on the trail I had originally been traveling, I made my way to a familiar spot; a place I've visited a lot over the past several years. It's a spot I've visited when I've had a big decision to make, and it seemed fitting that I visit this spot during this quest. When I got there I began by asking some questions. The day was beginning to drag on, and the original plan was to stay until the following morning. I was contemplating where I should stick to the original plan or cut it short by about 12 hours. I was really starting to feel the hunger at this point. I hadn't eaten in almost 24 hours, which isn't a big deal, but then you factor in that I walked over 15 miles and took nearly 41,000 steps that day, and my energy was draining.
As I contemplated what to do in the coming hours, I also began to reflect on what I had realized from earlier in the day.
My life had been spent living for Someday and wasting the time and opportunities of today. At the same time I was waiting for Someday, and sacrificing the moment. I felt a sense of entitlement to Someday because of the work I was putting in and the things I was sacrificing for the future.
As I sat in this familiar spot I began to write down what I knew I needed to do next:
Surrendering Someday 8/26/16
Proverbs 3.1-12
Don't forsake teaching, let your heart keep my commandments -
length of days
years of life
peace
Bind steadfast love and faithfulness around your neck write them on your heart -
(Your defining characteristics)
Favor and good success with God and man
Trust God, not you
Look to Him and He will guide you.
Stay humble
Stay righteous
Healing and rest
Serve with your your wealth
God will take care of you.
Accept His discipline and correction-
Love for your benefit
...
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Friday, January 19, 2018
Entitled to Someday
After a few more minutes of processing the realities that had been revealed to me, I got up and started walking again. The trail I was walking is a loop, and at one point there is a side trail that leads to a lake. I typically avoid this side trail because their is a semi decent hill, going to the lake isn't bad, it's coming back that isn't the most enjoyable. I had no intention of visiting the lake that day, but I felt God leading me in that direction. After a few minutes of hesitating, I turned right and headed to the lake.
I walked around the water until I came to a bench, where I sat down and began to think. I pulled out a few index cards and began to write down a few notes about the experience. I talked about my feelings of panic from that morning, the oak mite bites which at that point I was still identifying as a mosquito attack, my thoughts on food and water, how tired I was feeling, and the owls that had deprived me of sleep. And then I wrote out reflections of my previous two bench moments.
Living for Someday- wasting time
Waiting for Someday- missing the moment
That's where I was at the moment, realizing how I had been living and the implications of that lifestyle. At this point, sitting there in the early afternoon sun, I began to think about how I had been raised, the things I had been told, and the expectations I had. I pulled out a few more index cards, and wrote out these words.
Entitled to Someday 8/26/16
My life has felt like you work hard and things should work out.
Get good grades, graduate on top, = good job
Work hard, provide, invest in the future, = wife happy/appreciative
Put the effort into it = get the (sports, church, relationships) reward
I feel like I've earned someday, like I deserve it. I'm entitled to it, and anyone who gets in the way and hinders it, or doesn't fit with my idea of someday, I have no time for
I have an ideal thought where everything is perfect, but that isn't reality.
There will always be problems.
There will always be annoyances.
Nothing will ever be completely ideal.
I'm not entitled to it.
Genesis 3.17-19
Cursed is the ground
thorns and thistles
By the sweat of your face
Dust you are, to dust you shall return.
...
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
I walked around the water until I came to a bench, where I sat down and began to think. I pulled out a few index cards and began to write down a few notes about the experience. I talked about my feelings of panic from that morning, the oak mite bites which at that point I was still identifying as a mosquito attack, my thoughts on food and water, how tired I was feeling, and the owls that had deprived me of sleep. And then I wrote out reflections of my previous two bench moments.
Living for Someday- wasting time
Waiting for Someday- missing the moment
That's where I was at the moment, realizing how I had been living and the implications of that lifestyle. At this point, sitting there in the early afternoon sun, I began to think about how I had been raised, the things I had been told, and the expectations I had. I pulled out a few more index cards, and wrote out these words.
Entitled to Someday 8/26/16
My life has felt like you work hard and things should work out.
Get good grades, graduate on top, = good job
Work hard, provide, invest in the future, = wife happy/appreciative
Put the effort into it = get the (sports, church, relationships) reward
I feel like I've earned someday, like I deserve it. I'm entitled to it, and anyone who gets in the way and hinders it, or doesn't fit with my idea of someday, I have no time for
I have an ideal thought where everything is perfect, but that isn't reality.
There will always be problems.
There will always be annoyances.
Nothing will ever be completely ideal.
I'm not entitled to it.
Genesis 3.17-19
Cursed is the ground
thorns and thistles
By the sweat of your face
Dust you are, to dust you shall return.
...
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Wednesday, January 17, 2018
Waiting for Someday
I sat on that bench, watching the light begin to break through the trees, and realized that all of my life was being lived for someday. I was afraid of the present because what if my actions in the present ruined the future? My entire life had been spent playing it safe so that I wouldn't jeopardize the future, but by not living in the moment, by living for someday, I wasn't living now, and was simply setting myself up for a lifetime of somedays.
I sat there for a while, rubbed some anti-itch cream on my oak mite wounds (which didn't help at all), and then I got up and started walking again. I made my way along the trail, taking my time as I had the entire day to kill, and eventually came to another bench. This one I had visited before, it over looks a narrow valley in the woods. I sat down, still thinking about the insights from the last bench, and have every intention of simply sitting there for a while, but God had other plans.
As I sat and looked out over the trees, taking in the silence of the early morning woods, God continued to build on the theme of someday. As you may have guessed, this word became the central focus of my time in the woods. I reflected on the way I had lived, putting off so many things because of a dream for the future, plans and goals that I wanted to accomplish, ideas of what I thought was the best outcome for myself, all of which was shaken now because I was in the midst of a divorce, and facing so much uncertainty and unknown challenges.
I reached into my bag, pulled out a few more 3x5 note cards, the pen I had brought, and my water proof Bible, and wrote these words:
Waiting for Someday 8/26/16
I've spent a lot of time longing for the next thing, but as soon as I got it, it was like checking it off and on to the next goal.
High school is when I think it started. I wanted to get to college, and when I finally did I wanted to graduate and get married. Once marriage happened it was on to having kids, and then the next kid.
Bought a house, and my mind went to the next house.
Jobs were always about getting through it, building my resume, and then getting the big church.
My life has been spent waiting for some day, and missing the moment.
Philippians 4.11-13
Learned to be content in whatever situation
Be brought low and abound
Endurance in Christ
...
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
I sat there for a while, rubbed some anti-itch cream on my oak mite wounds (which didn't help at all), and then I got up and started walking again. I made my way along the trail, taking my time as I had the entire day to kill, and eventually came to another bench. This one I had visited before, it over looks a narrow valley in the woods. I sat down, still thinking about the insights from the last bench, and have every intention of simply sitting there for a while, but God had other plans.
As I sat and looked out over the trees, taking in the silence of the early morning woods, God continued to build on the theme of someday. As you may have guessed, this word became the central focus of my time in the woods. I reflected on the way I had lived, putting off so many things because of a dream for the future, plans and goals that I wanted to accomplish, ideas of what I thought was the best outcome for myself, all of which was shaken now because I was in the midst of a divorce, and facing so much uncertainty and unknown challenges.
I reached into my bag, pulled out a few more 3x5 note cards, the pen I had brought, and my water proof Bible, and wrote these words:
Waiting for Someday 8/26/16
I've spent a lot of time longing for the next thing, but as soon as I got it, it was like checking it off and on to the next goal.
High school is when I think it started. I wanted to get to college, and when I finally did I wanted to graduate and get married. Once marriage happened it was on to having kids, and then the next kid.
Bought a house, and my mind went to the next house.
Jobs were always about getting through it, building my resume, and then getting the big church.
My life has been spent waiting for some day, and missing the moment.
Philippians 4.11-13
Learned to be content in whatever situation
Be brought low and abound
Endurance in Christ
...
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Monday, January 15, 2018
Living for Someday
I typically don't sleep very well in the woods, I don't go camping for the sleep, but that night was the worst sleep I've ever had in the woods. There were at least two owls hooting at each other, and at some point I heard something fighting with something else, but I'm no expert at animal sounds. The worst part was the Oak Mites. I didn't know these things existed until my friend picked me up, but I had bits forming a belt around my stomach and all over my feet and ankles. At the time I thought they were mosquito bites and wondered how they had gotten me so much through my clothes, but I learned that due to the 17 year locusts that year, the bites were the result of hundreds of microscopic mites falling from the oak trees.
Waking up and beginning to move did little to improve my situation. I began walking in what I thought was the right direction, but just as it gets dark quickly in the woods, it gets light slowly. I didn't recognize anything, and not being fully awake, I felt a sense of panic about being lost in the woods. Fortunately, I stopped, caught my breath, and began walking in a straight line, because where I was at, any straight line would take me to the path out. Once I got to the path, I wasn't really sure what to do, so I just started walking. I made may way to a familiar trail, one I still frequent as often as possible, and then made my way to a bench. As I sat, I began to reflect on the question God had posed to me the previous evening.
I sat and wrote these words:
Living for Someday 8/26/16
I've had this knife for almost six years, and last night was the first time I've ever used it. I've carried it hiking, but I've never actually cut anything with it. Most of my knives are that way. I buy them because they would be useful in certain situations, I assign it a role, but it never gets used. I'm afraid of ruining it. I'm afraid of making it dull, because what happens if I ruin the blade whine I go to sharpen it?
A lot of my stuff is that way. I but it, talk about the adventures I'll have, using the equipment, but it ends up just sitting on a shelf, or packed in a drawer.
I'm afraid to test it. I'm afraid to test me. I'm afraid to use things or spend money because what if it runs out, then what?
Matthew 25.14-30
Faithful over a little, set over much
wicked and slothful, what you have is taken
...
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Waking up and beginning to move did little to improve my situation. I began walking in what I thought was the right direction, but just as it gets dark quickly in the woods, it gets light slowly. I didn't recognize anything, and not being fully awake, I felt a sense of panic about being lost in the woods. Fortunately, I stopped, caught my breath, and began walking in a straight line, because where I was at, any straight line would take me to the path out. Once I got to the path, I wasn't really sure what to do, so I just started walking. I made may way to a familiar trail, one I still frequent as often as possible, and then made my way to a bench. As I sat, I began to reflect on the question God had posed to me the previous evening.
I sat and wrote these words:
Living for Someday 8/26/16
I've had this knife for almost six years, and last night was the first time I've ever used it. I've carried it hiking, but I've never actually cut anything with it. Most of my knives are that way. I buy them because they would be useful in certain situations, I assign it a role, but it never gets used. I'm afraid of ruining it. I'm afraid of making it dull, because what happens if I ruin the blade whine I go to sharpen it?
A lot of my stuff is that way. I but it, talk about the adventures I'll have, using the equipment, but it ends up just sitting on a shelf, or packed in a drawer.
I'm afraid to test it. I'm afraid to test me. I'm afraid to use things or spend money because what if it runs out, then what?
Matthew 25.14-30
Faithful over a little, set over much
wicked and slothful, what you have is taken
...
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Friday, January 12, 2018
What am I doing this for?
It was a Friday night in late August 2016, my lightly packed Camelbak was loaded with the minimal gear, and the rain had stopped, but there was a chance of rain in the forecast later that night. I drove to my friends house, parked my car, and then he drove me to the location I had picked out for this survival adventure. He dropped me off, made sure I had what I needed, and told me to call him if I needed anything. Then he said a prayer for me, and I headed into the woods.
I found a spot that was hidden, and then selected two trees that would work for the shelter I had in mind. I found two trees about 7 feet apart, and then went to work setting up my shelter. I pulled the paracord I had brought out of my bag, and then got my knife out of the sheath on my belt. I set up the smaller tarp in a hammock shape on the ground, I didn't trust it to hold me weight off of the ground (this turned out to be the right call), and I didn't have the daylight left to figure out an elevated sleeping system. I then strung the cord between the two trees for the larger tarp, just in case it did rain that night. I secured the corners to it would divert any rain that might fall, and climbed in to test it. As soon as I as I was in I heard a tear, and two of the eyelets on my hammock tarp and ripped, glad I wasn't higher off the ground.
I got back out, made a few small adjustments, and then put my pack in. Before I climbed in for the night I did a quick tick check, really didn't feel like getting lyme disease on this particular outing. As I settled in for the night, the first time I had ever spent a night alone in the woods, I began to wonder, what am I doing this for? The plan was to simulate a survival scenario, but I already knew that wasn't going to happen. My life wasn't at risk, I had been hungry from my high school wrestling days, so going without food was no challenge, and I would be "rescued" in just over 24 hours, from the same parking lot where I had been "stranded".
As I lay there, with night falling quickly in the woods, it gets really dark very fast when you're surrounded by trees, I wondered again, "God what am I doing this for? What are you wanting me to see while I'm out here?" As I lay in my hammock, I heard God ask me a question. It wasn't an audible voice, but it was very clear and distinct, "Do you realize that is the first time you've ever cut anything with that knife?"
Until that moment I hadn't realized this. I bought it back in 2010, and I've carried it on countless hikes, but never once have I ever taken it out and actually cut something with it. It's a good knife, an American made Gerber, a special edition of the Gator fixed blade with an s30v stainless steel blade, and a Bell And Carlson composite handle, it's one of my favorite knives. As I lay their in the dark, that question from God was all that was going through my mind, "do you realize that is the first time you've ever cut anything with that knife?"...
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
I found a spot that was hidden, and then selected two trees that would work for the shelter I had in mind. I found two trees about 7 feet apart, and then went to work setting up my shelter. I pulled the paracord I had brought out of my bag, and then got my knife out of the sheath on my belt. I set up the smaller tarp in a hammock shape on the ground, I didn't trust it to hold me weight off of the ground (this turned out to be the right call), and I didn't have the daylight left to figure out an elevated sleeping system. I then strung the cord between the two trees for the larger tarp, just in case it did rain that night. I secured the corners to it would divert any rain that might fall, and climbed in to test it. As soon as I as I was in I heard a tear, and two of the eyelets on my hammock tarp and ripped, glad I wasn't higher off the ground.
I got back out, made a few small adjustments, and then put my pack in. Before I climbed in for the night I did a quick tick check, really didn't feel like getting lyme disease on this particular outing. As I settled in for the night, the first time I had ever spent a night alone in the woods, I began to wonder, what am I doing this for? The plan was to simulate a survival scenario, but I already knew that wasn't going to happen. My life wasn't at risk, I had been hungry from my high school wrestling days, so going without food was no challenge, and I would be "rescued" in just over 24 hours, from the same parking lot where I had been "stranded".
As I lay there, with night falling quickly in the woods, it gets really dark very fast when you're surrounded by trees, I wondered again, "God what am I doing this for? What are you wanting me to see while I'm out here?" As I lay in my hammock, I heard God ask me a question. It wasn't an audible voice, but it was very clear and distinct, "Do you realize that is the first time you've ever cut anything with that knife?"
Until that moment I hadn't realized this. I bought it back in 2010, and I've carried it on countless hikes, but never once have I ever taken it out and actually cut something with it. It's a good knife, an American made Gerber, a special edition of the Gator fixed blade with an s30v stainless steel blade, and a Bell And Carlson composite handle, it's one of my favorite knives. As I lay their in the dark, that question from God was all that was going through my mind, "do you realize that is the first time you've ever cut anything with that knife?"...
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
The Beginning of a Journey
In the summer of 2016 I was challenged to do an experiment. I had mentioned the idea of being stranded in the woods, with limited equipment, and being able to survive. I will say that I have no formal training in wilderness survival, but I've pieced things together from watching Survivorman, talking to people with more knowledge than I have, and doing some reading on various skills and techniques. It's kind of a hobby, and part of all of the hiking, camping, and backpacking equipment I have is survival related. Anytime I hike, even if I'm going out for a few hours first thing in the morning, I'm set up to spend a few nights in the woods.
I don't remember exactly how the conversation came up, but I was challenged to actually do it. At first I made excuses, real ones that focused on the various responsibilities I had with work and school, but was convinced that I needed to do it. I looked over my schedule to find the time that would work, and initially picked out a Friday afternoon to Sunday morning time slot in August. I began thinking about the limited equipment I would take, and decided on my full Camelbak of water, my two knives I carry hiking (I always have a fixed blade knife and a folding knife on any outdoor excursion), two tarps, parachute cord, my firesteel, and the clothes on my back. I also had my waterproof Bible, some 3x5 index cards (I rarely go anywhere without some of these), and a pen.
I had a friend, the one who challenged me to do this, drop me off in the woods on Friday night, I had my phone with me in the event of an emergency but it would stay off unless I needed something urgently, and I went to find a place to set up camp. It was an area I was familiar with, and I knew where I could get water if I ran out, and "rescue" was less than 10 minutes away. It wasn't really a survival situation, and I knew that going in. There was never any point where my life was at risk, and so it was hard to really find the experience a challenge, but it ended up turning into a much more eye opening, and potentially life changing, outing.
I feel like I actually get to say this for real, please do not try this at home. Survival isn't a joke, and my setting ending up not really being all that dangerous or challenging. Don't just drop yourself into an unknown area with limited supplies and try to stay alive. I was in the middle of summer, with water and access to more water. I had the means of making fire and staying dry. Don't be an idiot and end up getting yourself killed.
My time in the woods on this particular outing didn't end up being about testing my wilderness skills, the setting didn't allow for that, but it began to test my approach to life. It gave me some unique experiences, and began a practice that I am hoping to continue for the rest of my life...
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
I don't remember exactly how the conversation came up, but I was challenged to actually do it. At first I made excuses, real ones that focused on the various responsibilities I had with work and school, but was convinced that I needed to do it. I looked over my schedule to find the time that would work, and initially picked out a Friday afternoon to Sunday morning time slot in August. I began thinking about the limited equipment I would take, and decided on my full Camelbak of water, my two knives I carry hiking (I always have a fixed blade knife and a folding knife on any outdoor excursion), two tarps, parachute cord, my firesteel, and the clothes on my back. I also had my waterproof Bible, some 3x5 index cards (I rarely go anywhere without some of these), and a pen.
I had a friend, the one who challenged me to do this, drop me off in the woods on Friday night, I had my phone with me in the event of an emergency but it would stay off unless I needed something urgently, and I went to find a place to set up camp. It was an area I was familiar with, and I knew where I could get water if I ran out, and "rescue" was less than 10 minutes away. It wasn't really a survival situation, and I knew that going in. There was never any point where my life was at risk, and so it was hard to really find the experience a challenge, but it ended up turning into a much more eye opening, and potentially life changing, outing.
I feel like I actually get to say this for real, please do not try this at home. Survival isn't a joke, and my setting ending up not really being all that dangerous or challenging. Don't just drop yourself into an unknown area with limited supplies and try to stay alive. I was in the middle of summer, with water and access to more water. I had the means of making fire and staying dry. Don't be an idiot and end up getting yourself killed.
My time in the woods on this particular outing didn't end up being about testing my wilderness skills, the setting didn't allow for that, but it began to test my approach to life. It gave me some unique experiences, and began a practice that I am hoping to continue for the rest of my life...
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Monday, January 8, 2018
Focus
Recently I've been listening to a lot of books by Navy SEALs, and a lot of books on the Appalachian Trail. The most recent books I've read, Hiking Through and The Operator, both communicated the same key principle to complete an AT through hike, and making it through SEAL training. The task you are about to undertake has to be the most important desire you have at the time. To complete the ~2,181 miles of the AT, you have to want it more than anything else, because from what I've read, there are so many reasons to quit. To make it through the different stages of SEAL training, you have to want it more than anything else, because there are even more reasons to quit. Both are hard, and both have roughly the same success rate, only about 20% of those who begin either actually complete what they start.
I used to be a pretty big Star Wars fan. I have an FX lightsaber, and I may or may not have purchased a set of Jedi robes in college (if anyone is looking for a set of Jedi robes shoot me an email at: proverbs1824brothers@gmail.com). I think I was actually known as "The guy who likes Star Wars" by some people. I think the original trilogy is great, the prequel trilogy, minus Hayden Christensen, isn't that bad, and the first 2/3 of the new trilogy has been largely disappointing. I digress to this to bring up a line from Episode I, Qui-Gon Jinn tells nine year old Anakin Skywalker, "Your focus determines your reality."
What you are focused on will determine what happens in your life. A few years ago I realized that I was just waiting for everything to fall into place for me (more on this in a few days), I had dreams, but I wasn't focused on them, and so my life wasn't really going anywhere. I was in school, but I was waiting for the right career to find me. I was reading the books on masculine initiation, but I was waiting for the process to just complete itself. In all honesty, my focus was on how life wasn't going how I thought it should go, and my reality was that things continued to not go the way they were intended to. It took hitting the lowest point of my life for me to realize that my focus needed to change.
My focus has changed, and as a result my reality is also changing. I've started to narrow my focus, and create clear paths to attain the goals. I've been seeking advice from those within the field I'm wanting to pursue, asking what steps I can take now to be more prepared for when it's time to knock on the door. I still get distracted at times, YouTube is a lot easier to focus on than Hebrew vocab, scrolling through Facebook is a lot less demanding than focusing on how my life verse can shape my future, and researching hiking gear is much less stressful than looking at how to better do life and ministry with my brothers. Half of these things are good and worth pursuing (maybe 2/3, hiking gear is really cool, and it helps me to escape and clear my head) but when they distract me from what is best, it groups me into the 80% who start and quit.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
I used to be a pretty big Star Wars fan. I have an FX lightsaber, and I may or may not have purchased a set of Jedi robes in college (if anyone is looking for a set of Jedi robes shoot me an email at: proverbs1824brothers@gmail.com). I think I was actually known as "The guy who likes Star Wars" by some people. I think the original trilogy is great, the prequel trilogy, minus Hayden Christensen, isn't that bad, and the first 2/3 of the new trilogy has been largely disappointing. I digress to this to bring up a line from Episode I, Qui-Gon Jinn tells nine year old Anakin Skywalker, "Your focus determines your reality."
What you are focused on will determine what happens in your life. A few years ago I realized that I was just waiting for everything to fall into place for me (more on this in a few days), I had dreams, but I wasn't focused on them, and so my life wasn't really going anywhere. I was in school, but I was waiting for the right career to find me. I was reading the books on masculine initiation, but I was waiting for the process to just complete itself. In all honesty, my focus was on how life wasn't going how I thought it should go, and my reality was that things continued to not go the way they were intended to. It took hitting the lowest point of my life for me to realize that my focus needed to change.
My focus has changed, and as a result my reality is also changing. I've started to narrow my focus, and create clear paths to attain the goals. I've been seeking advice from those within the field I'm wanting to pursue, asking what steps I can take now to be more prepared for when it's time to knock on the door. I still get distracted at times, YouTube is a lot easier to focus on than Hebrew vocab, scrolling through Facebook is a lot less demanding than focusing on how my life verse can shape my future, and researching hiking gear is much less stressful than looking at how to better do life and ministry with my brothers. Half of these things are good and worth pursuing (maybe 2/3, hiking gear is really cool, and it helps me to escape and clear my head) but when they distract me from what is best, it groups me into the 80% who start and quit.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Friday, January 5, 2018
The Ezra Model
In preparation for my desired career as a professor of Old Testament, I've been studying Biblical Hebrew. I'm not going to lie, it's been difficult, and it has made me wondering if I should have studied the language before committing to a future that depends on it. The language is fascinatingly complex, especially when you get into the verbal system, but the study of Hebrew forces you to slow down and really take in the text.
The book we used for class, Basics of Biblical Hebrew, contains devotional type insights at the end of every chapter. In all honesty, I typically skipped over these due to the intensive nature of the class, they squeezed a years worth of Hebrew into two 8 week courses, the realization of this made me feel a little better about not absorbing everything right away. However, for my Hebrew Syntax class we had to do a discussion board on one of these entries, A Life Centered on Torah.
The author of this article, Jason S. DeRouchie, points out that Ezra's life modeled godly leadership to people who needed to not only hear the word of God, but see a practical example of living out the will of God. He then goes on to point out Ezra's model, which is found in Ezra 7.10, "For Ezra had set his heart to study the law of the Lord and to practice it, and to teach His statutes and ordinances in Israel."
The model Ezra lived by was study, practice, teach. DeRouchie states, "This progression of action, grounded in God's Word, characterized Ezra's life and ministry and we are perhaps wise to follow his example. Sound Study of the Scriptures must give rise to personal practice. Only then can we have a basis for effective teaching.... Ezra was serious about understanding God's Word, applying it, and proclaiming it - in that order!"
This approach is one I really feel I need to take. William Barclay said, "Real teaching always come out of real experience." Experience begins with understanding, and experience is the result of application. Only then, are you a fit messenger. DeRouchie again points out that there are those who focus so much on how they are going to proclaim the message, that they sacrifice time understanding it. At the same time. There are others who are so quick to share what God has said, that they don't take the time to live it out personally. Finally, there are those who seek to apply before they have properly understood, allowing their own principles to guide their lives, rather than Scripture. I can sadly say that at one point or another, all of these failures have been evident in my own life and ministry.
I don't want to be a teacher who simply lectures on subject matter, I've sat in classes like that, and while they can be interesting, looking back I don't find them to be the most life impacting. I want to be a teacher who is deeply passionate about the message I have to proclaim, one who has lived it and speaks from genuine experience. I want to be a teacher whose passion is contagious, and inspires in others a desire to experience God deeply. I want to follow the Ezra Model.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
The book we used for class, Basics of Biblical Hebrew, contains devotional type insights at the end of every chapter. In all honesty, I typically skipped over these due to the intensive nature of the class, they squeezed a years worth of Hebrew into two 8 week courses, the realization of this made me feel a little better about not absorbing everything right away. However, for my Hebrew Syntax class we had to do a discussion board on one of these entries, A Life Centered on Torah.
The author of this article, Jason S. DeRouchie, points out that Ezra's life modeled godly leadership to people who needed to not only hear the word of God, but see a practical example of living out the will of God. He then goes on to point out Ezra's model, which is found in Ezra 7.10, "For Ezra had set his heart to study the law of the Lord and to practice it, and to teach His statutes and ordinances in Israel."
The model Ezra lived by was study, practice, teach. DeRouchie states, "This progression of action, grounded in God's Word, characterized Ezra's life and ministry and we are perhaps wise to follow his example. Sound Study of the Scriptures must give rise to personal practice. Only then can we have a basis for effective teaching.... Ezra was serious about understanding God's Word, applying it, and proclaiming it - in that order!"
This approach is one I really feel I need to take. William Barclay said, "Real teaching always come out of real experience." Experience begins with understanding, and experience is the result of application. Only then, are you a fit messenger. DeRouchie again points out that there are those who focus so much on how they are going to proclaim the message, that they sacrifice time understanding it. At the same time. There are others who are so quick to share what God has said, that they don't take the time to live it out personally. Finally, there are those who seek to apply before they have properly understood, allowing their own principles to guide their lives, rather than Scripture. I can sadly say that at one point or another, all of these failures have been evident in my own life and ministry.
I don't want to be a teacher who simply lectures on subject matter, I've sat in classes like that, and while they can be interesting, looking back I don't find them to be the most life impacting. I want to be a teacher who is deeply passionate about the message I have to proclaim, one who has lived it and speaks from genuine experience. I want to be a teacher whose passion is contagious, and inspires in others a desire to experience God deeply. I want to follow the Ezra Model.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Wednesday, January 3, 2018
Who Am I?
So this seems like a good place to start. In 500(ish) words, who am I?
I would typically answer this question with some version of "what?": I'm a divorced dad of two girls. I'm an ordained minister. I'm a grad student with a Biblical Studies focus. I'm an INTJ according to Meyers-Briggs, and a dominant type 1 with a strong secondary wing type 2 according to Enneagram. Those things are facts about me, but they don't tell you who I am.
I could tell you that I tend to have a more big picture focus, that I can be very stubborn, and that I'm a pretty good student. I could tell you that my favorite color depends on what it is being used for, that my favorite food changes from time to time (right now it’s pulled pork and coleslaw), and that I really enjoy root beer, cream soda, and ginger ale (individually, not mixed together). All of these are just characteristics I possess, and they are possibly true of a lot of people, not just me.
I could tell you that I'm interested in hiking, camping, backpacking (which combines those two), canoeing, shooting, gardening, and that I love 3x5 index cards and my dry erase board. I could also say that I dislike Russian literature, fish, mayo, and most things that are mint flavored. I could say that I prefer sunsets to sunrises, tea to coffee, spring and fall to summer and winter, and dogs to cats. These are just my interests, and while the combination may be unique to me, it's not who I am.
I could tell you about the places I've been, and where I'd like to go. I could tell you about the jobs I've had, and the chances I regret not taking. I could tell you what my favorite movies are, the quotes I find most inspiring, the best books I've read, or the songs that I find most moving.
All of these things tell you about me, but they still don't get to who I really am. I've been listening to a couple books by Simon Sinek, Start with Why and Find Your Why, that have really challenged me to look at how I present things, and look at life. What is easy, but what is generally pretty shallow. Why gets deep.
So why? Why do I get out of bed in the morning? Why am I doing the different things I'm doing? Why do I want to pursue what I am pursing?
I want to help people find their identity and passion, to receive healing and discover their destiny, and make the world a better place as a result.
I'm somebody that has spent so much time simply reacting to what has gone on around me, so much time doing what was expected of me, and so much time just playing it safe. I've been hurt, and I've caused pain as a result. I hate that, and I want that to change. I'm not somebody who really wants to stand out and be recognized, I simply want to help people live with passion, and pursue all that they are capable of.
That's who I am.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
I would typically answer this question with some version of "what?": I'm a divorced dad of two girls. I'm an ordained minister. I'm a grad student with a Biblical Studies focus. I'm an INTJ according to Meyers-Briggs, and a dominant type 1 with a strong secondary wing type 2 according to Enneagram. Those things are facts about me, but they don't tell you who I am.
I could tell you that I tend to have a more big picture focus, that I can be very stubborn, and that I'm a pretty good student. I could tell you that my favorite color depends on what it is being used for, that my favorite food changes from time to time (right now it’s pulled pork and coleslaw), and that I really enjoy root beer, cream soda, and ginger ale (individually, not mixed together). All of these are just characteristics I possess, and they are possibly true of a lot of people, not just me.
I could tell you that I'm interested in hiking, camping, backpacking (which combines those two), canoeing, shooting, gardening, and that I love 3x5 index cards and my dry erase board. I could also say that I dislike Russian literature, fish, mayo, and most things that are mint flavored. I could say that I prefer sunsets to sunrises, tea to coffee, spring and fall to summer and winter, and dogs to cats. These are just my interests, and while the combination may be unique to me, it's not who I am.
I could tell you about the places I've been, and where I'd like to go. I could tell you about the jobs I've had, and the chances I regret not taking. I could tell you what my favorite movies are, the quotes I find most inspiring, the best books I've read, or the songs that I find most moving.
All of these things tell you about me, but they still don't get to who I really am. I've been listening to a couple books by Simon Sinek, Start with Why and Find Your Why, that have really challenged me to look at how I present things, and look at life. What is easy, but what is generally pretty shallow. Why gets deep.
So why? Why do I get out of bed in the morning? Why am I doing the different things I'm doing? Why do I want to pursue what I am pursing?
I want to help people find their identity and passion, to receive healing and discover their destiny, and make the world a better place as a result.
I'm somebody that has spent so much time simply reacting to what has gone on around me, so much time doing what was expected of me, and so much time just playing it safe. I've been hurt, and I've caused pain as a result. I hate that, and I want that to change. I'm not somebody who really wants to stand out and be recognized, I simply want to help people live with passion, and pursue all that they are capable of.
That's who I am.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
Monday, January 1, 2018
Story
Over the last year our group blog did really well, far beyond anything I expected when we were first started writing. Out of that blog grew a desire in me to begin writing again, and so I began this blog. When I started it, I had a plan, it was a very good plan, at least I think so, but I failed to foresee the hectic chaos the fall would bring to my life. I was busy with work, busy with school, and busy getting everything wrapped up in my divorce; this blog was always on my mind, but there was nothing else in terms of what to write, or the time to write it.
As a new year begins, I don't know that my life is all that much less busy. At the moment I'm not in class, but I have to review/learn all the stuff from Hebrew that I didn't learn in the fall. I'm getting ready to make some changes to my work schedule that are going to take away a good chunk of my mornings, and I'm trying to plan and prepare for the not too distant future and the changes that are going to have to take place before my oldest daughter starts school. And then there is this blog. I like writing, I like putting words to my thoughts, and I'm amazed that there are people out there that care enough to read what I have to say.
As I've been trying to contemplate this, the thought that has kept coming to my mind is to tell my story. For the past two years I've been working through a lot; learning a lot about who I am, and striving to become who God has called me to be. I've felt that I should share some of the stuff
I've recorded, some of the stuff I'm working through, some of the stuff that has impacted me from the past, and some of the lighter stuff, (like "Things I can't believe I've had to say as a parent") and just kind of see what happens.
So as 2018 begins I'm hoping to write more consistently, be more intentional about my own journey, and share my story to encourage others.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
As a new year begins, I don't know that my life is all that much less busy. At the moment I'm not in class, but I have to review/learn all the stuff from Hebrew that I didn't learn in the fall. I'm getting ready to make some changes to my work schedule that are going to take away a good chunk of my mornings, and I'm trying to plan and prepare for the not too distant future and the changes that are going to have to take place before my oldest daughter starts school. And then there is this blog. I like writing, I like putting words to my thoughts, and I'm amazed that there are people out there that care enough to read what I have to say.
As I've been trying to contemplate this, the thought that has kept coming to my mind is to tell my story. For the past two years I've been working through a lot; learning a lot about who I am, and striving to become who God has called me to be. I've felt that I should share some of the stuff
I've recorded, some of the stuff I'm working through, some of the stuff that has impacted me from the past, and some of the lighter stuff, (like "Things I can't believe I've had to say as a parent") and just kind of see what happens.
So as 2018 begins I'm hoping to write more consistently, be more intentional about my own journey, and share my story to encourage others.
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
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