It had been almost a year since my vision quest, and a lot had happened in that time. I had completed my first master's degree, and was getting ready to begin my second. I had changed my life's focus, and was now preparing to enter the world of education as a teacher, and actually doing things to actively prepare for this future. I had come to terms with the reality that my marriage would be ending, but at the same time began to realize that my life did not end with my marriage. Finally, I had really started to focus on identity, and the idea of a true name. These were all good things, and while I was still working on a lot of personal stuff, I felt like I was starting to make some progress.
For years I had been attracted to the idea of doing an annual, personal retreat. I read in one of John Eldredge's books that every year he takes three days by himself, and goes to the mountains. When I was in college we had to do a spiritual retreat as part of a class, 24-hours alone with God. I knew that this practice would be good for me, but I had always looked at it with the mindset of "Someday I'll be able to do that." Fortunately, God had dealt with that issue back in 2016, and I began to feel the need to spend some more time alone in the woods.
This year was going to be different than the previous year. For one, this was no longer going to start as a Survival challenge, but was going to be a vision quest from the beginning. I was intentionally going into the woods to hear from God, and see what He had for me. Part of me was nervous about going, God had spoken so clearly, and in such an amazing way last year, what if He didn't this time? There were so many reasons not to go, and they continued to come until the retreat was over, but I ended up going, in spite of everything, and heard from God again.
I spoke with my pastor friend a few weeks before I went, and I told him I was wanting to do another vision quest. He actually told me that he was going to suggest I do another one as well. I began to make plans, my friend asked if I wanted to go to the same spot as last year, but I wasn't feeling led to go back there, for one I didn't want to hike in and out of that place again, and I still have bad memories of the Oak mites and getting lost in the dark, (that part would have nothing on this year), so I began to look at maps of the area. There were a few spots I considered, but I kept being drawn to this one specific area, and so I made plans to spend my time there.
I had less time this year, only about 20 hours, and I decided that I didn't want to sleep on the ground. I borrowed a camping hammock from a guy at work, took even less equipment than the previous year, and got ready to spend another night alone in the woods.
I mentioned that there were so many reasons not to go, and they didn't stop. I had planned to meet my pastor friend at his house after work and have him drop me off like the previous year, but a few days before he told me that his daughter had a concert that night, but that he would meet me at his house after and drop me off. This meant I would be getting there later than I wanted, and we ended up deciding that he would just meet me at the spot after the concert and pick up my car.
The day of the retreat the weather wasn't looking good. It was windy, and I remember looking out the window as I was getting ready to leave, and the sky just looked ominous. I began to get nervous, almost sick to my stomach, and thought about calling my friend and canceling, but I knew I couldn't do that. I had to go, because God had something to teach me....
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
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