Looking back over my index card notes, it's clear to me that I really didn't get the concept of surrendering at that time. In all honesty, I was writing it down because I knew that it was what I was supposed to write down. I could make the argument that I was tired and a bit worn out, but the honest answer was that I was beginning to be stretched beyond my comfort zone, something that would happen a lot in the coming months, and I wasn't sure how to move forward with it at that moment.
I stood up, picked up my pack, I really started to hate that pack during this trip, and began walking again with no clear direction as to where I was going. I still had several hours of daylight left, but I was beat, and my water was beginning to run short. I decided to head back to my shelter and tuck in before it began to get dark. I had no desire to repeat the feelings of the morning, especially if it meant not finding my shelter and spending the night without one, I had no desire to play Survivorman at this point.
I made my way back, down a hill and up the other side, and slowly made it back to where I had set up camp the previous night. Everything was still set up, and no animals had taken up residence in what I had made during the day. I took off my pack, it's amazing how heavy limited equipment can get, and the weight had really taken a tole on my shoulders. I did a final tick check, and finding nothing, climbed in for the night.
I laid their, glancing at my watch, and realized it wouldn't be getting dark for almost two hours. I thought about going for another walk, there was a trail close by that I hadn't hit yet, but I had no desire to put my pack back on, and I wasn't leaving my shelter without it. I began to reflect on my time at the previous spot where I had stopped. The very first thing I wrote down when I got there was:
Finish or cut it short?
Don't take the easy way out Nothing to prove No Shame
The original plan was to spend two nights alone in the woods, but the original plan had also been to test my survival skills, I'm not sure that I ever explained that, basically I was challenged by the friend who dropped me off, and he convinced me that it was something I needed to do, all part of that stop living for someday theme that became so central during my time. When I had first sat down in that familiar spot, I had gotten a sense of closure, almost as if God had said, "That's all you're getting right now", and that may have been why my final note cards proved to be so difficult to write, it was me trying to force something God wasn't ready to give me yet.
At that moment I got my phone out and turned it on. I called my friend and told him I was ready for him to pick me up. I broke camp, and headed in what I thought was the right direction, it's amazing how easy it is to get turned around in the woods. This time I just kept walking in a straight line, knowing I would hit a trail eventually, and once I did, I began a brisk walk to the parking lot.
My friend was waiting when I got there. We drove to his house, I gave him my stack of index cards, and then went to the first grocery store I passed and bought a dozen donuts, I have a really big sweet tooth, and they were cheap and quick. I got home, showered, and somehow mixed up my toothpaste with my anti itch cream (I only rubbed toothpaste on my oak mite bites fortunately) however, it did nothing other than make my oak mite bites smell minty fresh.
Vision quest 2016 had concluded, but I had started on a journey that would begin to shape the rest of my life....
Fight the lion, 1 Peter 5.1-11
TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY!
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